Friday, April 20, 2012

Office Humor - Notable Meeting Quotes

So, my office has a sheet hanging on one of the cubicle walls entitled "Notable meeting quotes." I'm not sure where it came from, so it might be one of those email forwards from years ago. Some of them are funny, but I've personally never heard them spoken in a meeting.

1. I feel like I’ve been given a sack of feathers and been asked to make a chicken.
2. We don’t want to overwhelm them with nothing.
3. I can relax when everyone else is as disturbed as I am.
4. It’s like being hit by a car in the crosswalk. You’re right, but you’re still dead.
5. They’re using a rake to go through the data; we need a combine.
6. We didn’t find the smoking gun, but did find an empty cartridge.
7. It’s an informal meeting; we don’t need Gucci PowerPoint slides.
8. We’ll conduct a historical predictive analysis.
9. Something is missing. I don’t know what it is, but I’m not seeing it.
10. Are we mitigating the risk or admiring it?
11. Don’t mess up a good story with facts.
12. They aren’t allowed to abandon you, but it will feel like it.
13. Watermelon metrics = green on the outside, red on the inside.
14. The truth has a ditch on both sides.
15. Of the three options, blissful ignorance seems the best.
16. No one is postured to succeed, but everyone is poised NOT to fail first.
17. Going forward is now behind us.
18. We’ve decided to postpone the postponement until next week.
19. Go for it. We’re behind you. Way behind you.
20. Don’t keep talking until you get it wrong.
21. I feel like I’m only seeing half of a two-part movie.
22. Eventually this will be like a kidney stone. This too shall pass, albeit painfully.
23. I learned about, like, communications and stuff.
24. No one is using it so there aren’t any complaints.
25. They send you out like sheep wandering in a minefield.
26. We see the light at the end of the tunnel but sections of the tunnel keep getting added.
27. Same monkey, different zoo.
28. I hope you appreciate all of the efforts we take to make your life more difficult.
29. See you next week if you’re not lucky and I’m not careful.
30. Every time I idiot proof something, someone builds a better idiot.
31. I could ask for something different, but it would just be a contribution to the Make-a-Wish Foundation.
32. They were squirming like a bunch of shivers looking for a spine to crawl up.
33. It should be a process, not an adventure.
34. We will try anything easy that doesn’t work before we try anything hard that does work.
35. The badges are sent “overnight,” which actually means three days.
36. It’s like turkeys voting on Thanksgiving.
37. We need to get out of the mode of admiring the problem.
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